back on the baby wagon, take #3

And I'm back. Back in June we went to see a fairly harsh doctor who told me I probably wasn't ovulating, pre-PCOS, and should just stop trying for a while since we're paying for it. All things I heard and understood, but she was kind of brutal in her delivery. Anyway I was pretty upset about that doctors visit (and won't be going back to her), but also with my travel schedule so busy during the summer and fall months, we decided to wait until December. So here we are, in December, and we just used those two vials I mentioned in an earlier post - after that June doctor's visit we shipped it back before any melting of the ice occurred. We've paid storage on it for a while and have finally used it.

The inseminations went well. I still felt almost nothing during the IUI. I'm currently 12 dpo and have cramped fairly consistently since ovulation. I'm not sure if I have cysts or if this is implantation. I've read a bunch how it's fairly common for women to cramp all the way to week 12 of pregnancy, starting with ovulation. However this is only take #3, and as much as I want to believe I'm pregnant, I can't let myself go completely there. Not after the my emotional reaction of getting AF the first two times.

It's now the point in my cycle when everytime I go to the bathroom I brace myself for AF. So far, so good. I could start bleeding anytime between now and the day after xmas. I hope it's not on xmas - I'll be with my entire family (who doesn't know I've started this process back up) and it'll be hard not to say anything. But I won't - my mom in particular will be too sad.

It's been interesting getting back into this. I really put my prego thoughts on the back burner over the last six months, because everytime I did let those thoughts enter, I got so so emotional. I'm not sure why I have such grief, still, over those first two attempts. All I can do it hope it gets better, and hope we get pregnant soon. I need to keep reminding myself that this is only our third try.

I did see an ob/gyn last week, who referred me to a fertility specialist. That freaked me out, but I'm 36, using frozen sperm, and have had irregular periods my whole life. When it comes down to it I could use the help.