new baby, new house, new job, new town...

It's been a long time! Since I wrote last, we moved houses. We had our baby in that house. Then we moved again to...the suburbs.

Wait, what? Yep...that's right. I moved to the suburbs. I grew up in different suburbs and swore I would never ever live in the suburbs again.

But here I am, and I kind of love it.

I don't love the commute, or having friends in the south-end now that I'm in the north-end. We don't have our queer haunts around us, and we aren't surrounded by queers. BUT - I'm totally thrilled with the house we're in, and I'm near my family, we're much closer to the woods, and farms, and really...it's not that bad.

Maybe this was predictable to others, but I still have to smile every time I find myself appreciating and loving my new surroundings. It happens a lot.

(and no, that's not my kitchen, but it's the theme of our new rental house, which I love)
(oh and there are queers up here - with kids!)

7 months

7 months along! almost 28 weeks. I can't believe it. I am feeling the baby move and hiccup on a regular basis. I have heartburn and my lower back is starting to hurt. We have a crib in our house and are starting to get gifts from our registries. And we have 35 people coming to our shower so far.

I want to write so much more but as I think of things, I also realize that this may become a blog based on queer parenting than about my birth (although that will certainly be in here, too!).

In the meantime, I found an incredible blog: http://www.acceptingdad.com/. You should check it out.

13th week

I'm now in my 13th week. Getting closer to the safe zone! I'm tired, of course, but my symptoms are really not that bad, all in all. I'm starting to not get nauseous, which of course is a nice change.

My belly is definitely starting to pooch out - it's starting to get hard to hide. I'll probably tell my office mates next week. I just want to hear the heartbeat before I tell anyone else. It won't feel completely real until then, I think. Although I'm starting to think it'll never really seem real? I'm big, I'm starting to have to avoid lying on my belly, I feel growing pains all the time...yet I'm still a bit in disbelief.

Anyway time for bed. It feels way past my bedtime. :-)

9 weeks 5 days

It's hard to believe I'm only in my tenth week. I want to tell people! Besides my parents, sister and one friend, I haven't told anyone. I'm too nervous. I get close to saying something often but I always back out. I will see a ton of my friends all at once this Saturday and I'm really tempted to tell them. But honestly I'd feel better at 14 weeks.

I'm feeling OK. Amazingly tired and a bit queezy if I don't eat every hour. My moods have been OK, until today, actually, when this morning I was quoted as yelling, "I hate everything and everyone and I have no idea what to do about it!" I'm feeling a bit better now, but yikes.

Lots of big changes - the biggest of course is that we're having this baby! Other than that we're moving after being in the same place for the past 6 years. And work has hit it's busy season (which lasts through November). I'm trying not to get too stressed or anxious but as you see from the quote above, it's not always working.

5 week, 1 day

It's real! I've done about 5 home tests and one blood test at the doctor's. Then I've had 3 tests for my hcg since. The numbers were 461, over 1700, then over 3600. So they're good!

I went to my first midwife consult yesterday - I have two more to interview before I make a decision. Although we'll probably go to the midwife we saw yesterday. She was great, and will be comfortable with B being trans. The thing is, I want a water birth and hopefully will have B in there with me when the big moment comes. I don't want to have midwives or students who can't handle a trans man's presence in the tub with me. Yesterday's midwife has a queer kid that we both know fairly well, so we know she's friendly. And her midwife partner is fairly new to the field but has been working with trans folks for the past few years.

It hasn't quite sunk in - I'm trying not to be too attached because I'm afraid the pregnancy won't stick. But I'm trying to stay positive and enjoy the fact that I'm pregnant!

So far the only people who know are my sister, my acupuncturist and B's best friend who happens to share her office with my acupuncturist. I'm still debating on how to tell my parents. I tried the other night but it sort of felt like I was coming out all over again - I was so nervous.

Symptoms so far: I'm exhausted, my boobs are sore and huge, and I have intermittent cramping. Oh and constipation has become a bit of an issue. Fun stuff! But I'd rather feel something than nothing.

TLP; tiny little positive, tiny little person

Today is 14dpo - when I would expect to get my period. But yesterday I was too impatient and took a cheapo early pregnancy test and got a faint line! I did two tests, actually - both very faint. Then today, same thing. Two tests, two faint lines.

They say that even the faintest of lines means I'm most likely pregnant. It's starting to sink in, although I need to make an appointment at the doctor's to make it feel real. I hope it's real!!!

New Pains 9dpo

I'm 9dpo today. At least 9 days past insemination. For most of these 9 days my nipples have been very tender, some days more than others. I didn't feel this last cycle, although I did feel like the sides of my breasts were bruised, which I also feel now. I had a low-grade dull aching going on for most of the days until this morning. I pushed myself over to lie on my stomach as I was waking up, and I felt a sharp quick pain in the right side, near the ovary. No cramps during the day, then tonight I stood up and instantly got pangs on both sides, and I've had prickling and short pains for almost two hours now.

Implantation? Pretty please?