miscarriage confirmed

Well, it's (mostly) official. I'm having a miscarriage. The last two weeks have been brutal. Not even because I was miscarrying, but because we didn't know for sure that's what was going on. My hcg numbers 480, 440, then 660, then 650, then 900, then today, 461. So finally it's going down, but the whole time the numbers were staying stable or going up, we had no clue as to what was happening. Blighted ovum? Miscarriage? Ectopic? Or a pregnancy that was located somewhere else? (really, that was a thought by one of the doctors)

When the numbers hit 900 two days ago, we let ourselves get hopeful. Then that night, I cramped badly and started bleeding again, and it hasn't stopped. So I wasn't surprised by the numbers today, but I was still very sad to have it confirmed.

The good news is that we now have some answers, and hopefully will be able to try again in March. In the meantime I'll be working on some self-care, starting with this weekend, when we'll be heading to a nearby island for some R&R. Can't wait.

hcg & progesterone

After my post yesterday I continued to cramp pretty badly, and it continued all day. I bled throughout the day as well - mostly dark, none was bright red, but it was still very scary. I finally called my midwife at 9pm and she said while it could be an "ominous" sign, it wasn't definitive. So today I went and got my beta - my hcg is 447 (not bad) but progesterone is only 4.26 (horrible!). So today I start on progesterone supplements.

I'm just so mad because when I did my CD3 blood work my progesterone "looked good." I told my midwife at the time that I had to supplement last time and wondered if I should do it again, and she sort of waved it off and said something like, "do it if you want."

Now here we are and my levels are dangerously low. This particular midwife is revered in this community as THE BEST, so how could she have missed this?

At any rate, I'm feeling better today. I bit of spotting when I wipe but no real cramping, and I'm still queasy and bone-tired. I just want to run home and take my first progesterone supplement. It's so hard just to sit here while I know my levels are so low.

What a ride.

5 weeks, 3 days

I'm a wreck today. Around 11am I had some pretty horrible cramps, then about an hour ago I had some spotting. I'm exhausted, but didn't have coffee for the first time so who knows the real reason for the fatigue.

I also talked to my dad. My mom told him yesterday, and instead of saying congrats or anything positive, he reminded me how much could still go wrong. Oh right - this is why I didn't tell anyone the first go around.

I'll try to go take a nap, or at least read a bit. Trying to stay positive...

It's a BFP!

I can't even believe it. I bled what I thought was a light period this week (spotting at first but then bright red for 2-3 days before it was gone), but I kept feeling symptoms. I was so mad about feeling queasy and pinchy - I figured the queasiness was from being sick but I was starting to get worried about all of the pinchy feelings I was having in my ovaries and uterus. Then yesterday, at work, I was having breast soreness, a weird taste in my mouth, and was incredibly dizzy. I did some research and found out that bleeding is sometimes normal, so when I got home I decided to take one last pregnancy test. I couldn't believe my eyes, but there was no doubt a positive!!

My bbt was down yesterday, so between that and the bleeding, I'm trying not to get too excited. But man, that's hard. I want to scream it out loud to everyone! I'm pregnant!

It's Saturday and I'm at work all day, so I have to wait until Monday to take a blood pregnancy test. It can not come soon enough.

We joked that with our first child I got a tlp (tiny little positive), but I can honestly say this is a true BFP. I'm so grateful and happy, but cautious.