trans-partnered in lesbianville

It's 2pm on xmas eve and I've not done one thing to get ready for tomorrow. My list:

buy gift certificate for 18 yo niece

get cash for 15 yo niece 

make 3 cards for 11 yo niece, 8 yo niece, and 5 yo nephew

find plastic/wood vegetables or fruit for 2 yo nephew

Yet I've been sitting here, still in my pajamas, all day. I read for two hours when I woke up, never leaving the bedroom. Then came out to make lunch and have been on the computer since. 

Yesterday I received an email from a queer-baby-making listserv I'm on, and a woman had written in about how low she was feeling. She has at least a few more days until she finds out if she's pregnant or not (like me), had a low temp that day and was feeling really bummed that this probably wasn't her month. I felt for her so much - I emailed her back to reiterate a quote I'd read on a lesbian-baby blog that said "if this month isn't the one, take solace in the thought that it may only be 30 days until you find out you're pregnant." It's a beautiful sentiment that's helped me recently, so I sent it to her, introducing myself as someone who is on the same timing as her, and as frustrated.

She wrote me back today asking me for coffee. I would love to meet this woman, but immediately got nervous. All the woman I've seen post on the listserve have been women with women partners. No men and no trans presence at all. Although that's an assumption on my part - I don't really know that for sure. So I looked this woman up. She works with non-profits and spells womyn and loves the Michigan Woman's Festival. I immediately made an assumption that she'll be an anti-trans separatist, and started leaning toward telling her I couldn't meet. 

But here's this woman, having a hard time and feeling alone, in a similar position to me. I should talk to this woman. 

I find myself wanting to send her a "heads-up" email, letting her know to not be surprised when I say "he" when referring to my partner. Is this about me, and my insecurities with the queer community around trans folks? Is it necessary to be so wary? Or is this one of those times I need to assume the good in people? It's not like this town isn't a hub for transgender people...she must as least have exposure, right?

I realize I alienate myself because I assume we will not be accepted. It's certainly not the way I want to live my life - I need to be pull in my confidence around this relationship, my partnerand myself, and not be afraid to show people who we are. It's self-oppression. Something that I contribute to, and something I need to change. And will work on starting now.

My gift to myself: merry xmas eve.